A letter to my husband

25 years ago today, in the Justice of the Peace office in Las Vegas, we stood hand in hand, wearing shorts, tank tops and sandals and said “I do.” Little did we know what our lives together would bring.

We both had come from previous relationships that weren’t good for us. They certainly didn’t form in our minds what a healthy relationship should be. Thankfully, we were both open to perhaps finding “our person.” From the day we met, we have never been apart, except for your fishing trips. I recall being told that there was nothing that would ever stop you from going to the Trulsen Fishing Trip. Some may say that being that way is selfish, but to me, it showed the depth of your love for family and that family was important to you. We had dreams and visions of what we wanted in life, and we were both on the same page. The biggest decision we made, was to have children.

November 16, 1995, we welcomed our beautiful boy Noah into our world. He was perfect. He had the eyes of an old soul and the rolls of the Pillsbury Dough Boy. We were so happy and blessed. As he grew, we were constantly amazed at the kindness of his heart and his effervescent personality. We figured we had done so well the first time, why not have another!

March 12, 1999, we welcomed a baby brother for Noah. Matthew truly was a gift. Early on in the pregnancy, we were told they thought he may have Downs Syndrome. We had a conversation that no one prepares you for, but it was one that we had to have. Again, we were on the same page and we decided that whatever we are dealt, we will figure out. I never thought about it again through the pregnancy, but I know you did. I know you quietly worried. Worried for him and worried for us. If he has Downs Syndrome, we will have so much to learn, but you knew that we were a strong unit, and we would be able to do it, together. Matthew came into this world, as I like to say, “like a penguin on a waterslide” and he has never slowed down. He was tiny, and he too was perfect. He didn’t know it then, but his big brother would become his best friend and such an amazing role model for him. Brothers First.

As the years rolled on, we became taxi drivers for sports, volunteers at the school, managers for teams. Our children were our priority, and we knew what our role was. We were to be the best parents we could be and hopefully raise amazing young men. We knew we needed to give them a strong foundation of how to be a good humans. The line “treat others as you want to be treated” was a mantra that we referred to often. It wasn’t always easy, but together, I think we did a hell of a job.

Looking back, we were so very lucky. We had children that made parenting easy. They both excelled at whatever they chose to do. Neither of them ever lacked confidence! Hell, we put them in French Immersion, and we didn’t know French! Yet, both managed and managed well. Honor roll for both all through school, with no help from us, that’s for sure. Neither one ever gave us a reason to not trust them, and we always knew they would make the right choices. Blessed.

We made it through the school years! Noah decided to go to BCIT to become an electrician. His work ethic was top notch, and again he excelled in the hands on training and the schooling. He started working full time the day after he graduated. He loved being an electrician and he knew how very proud we were of him.

October 4, 2018, our world was shattered. Matthew got a text that Noah was unconscious on the ice and we better come. He then got another text telling him that they had the defibrillator on him. I remember Matthew looking at me and saying “he is okay mom, they have the defibrillator on him.” I looked at you and said “I don’t think he knows what that is……………” That night is etched clearly in our minds, and I know it will always be. We follow the ambulance to the hospital, only to find out that Noah has died. I looked at you and said “what do we do now????” Little did we know what the following weeks would bring. We said goodbye to Noah on October 20th, 2018 along with over 800 people that his passing had touched. Through his death we found community, and love. So much love for us.

Life as we knew it, would never be the same. The only thing that didn’t change was our deep love for each other. So many couples end up divorcing after the loss of a child, yet our connection deepened. We wept together, got angry together, and sat in silence together. We had been through some tough times in our years together, but nothing, nothing like this. I knew we would make it, and we have.

A year later, Matthew is now heading off to college. Another big change, within a year. We went from having 4 of us in the house, to you and I within a year. It was good for Matthew to go to school, make new friends, have a fresh start. It has been nothing but amazing for him. However, here we were with another change in our dynamic. We had come full circle. We started out as the two of us, filled 23 years with loving chaos, and now we were back to us.

Looking back over the 25 years, there are obviously things I would change, or request a “do over,” but the one thing I wouldn’t is us. For better, for worse, through sickness and in health were the words we exchanged on our wedding day. We have certainly have had the better, the worse, along with sickness and better health. With every step along the way, you have been my rock. Through my ugly times, you let me be ugly, and through my beautiful times, you helped me shine. You understand me like no one else, and you accept everything about me. Never have you ever spoken an ugly word to me, or made me feel like I am not worthy. You are an amazing father who would die for his children. You are loved and respected by so many, and deservedly so. I am so proud to call you my husband.

Marriage is not easy. It is a fluid relationship that changes like the seasons. For us, I think we have always considered each other as the other part of our individual teams. The respect and love that we share runs deep. Our journey has not been an easy one, and we have certainly had our struggles, yet every time something would happen you would look at me and say “we will figure it out.” You were always right. We have always figured it out, and we have figured it out together.

Rick, I am so grateful every day that you chose me, and I chose you. I have no doubt that you are my soulmate, and I look forward to the next 25 years with you.

Happy 25th Anniversary. I love you. xo

Lorraine