9 Months Later

July 4, 2019. Nine months today since our boy passed away. It is also the start of the 8th Annual Trulsen Family Camping Trip. It brings such a mixture of emotions for me. The anniversary dates just flood me with flashbacks and I replay that moment over and over in my head. I haven’t been able to stuff those far into the back of my brain, and just store them there never to think of them again. I wish I could, but those memories are the start of our journey. The journey that has brought us such grief and sadness. A good friend of mine said to me tonight that the words “I miss him” don’t carry the weight of the actual feeling of missing him. So true. The weight is sometimes too much for one person to carry.Along with the emotions is the vivid reminder that Noah won’t be at the camping trip this year. Another first. He was all about family and he loved his family with all his heart. He was a genuine soul who really meant it when he would say “it is so good to see you” and would throw his arms around you in a giant hug. He loved playing with all the kids and would be the first one to join in with them. I am sure they will feel the void of him this year, and that makes my heart sad. Children shouldn’t have to feel such pain.I feel anxious because I don’t know how I am going to feel this weekend, how I am going to react. I just hope I find the strength, and if I am weak at times, I will accept that and carry on because he would expect no less. As always Noah, we will have you in our hearts every minute of every day. As I sit here with tears streaming, I can’t help but remind myself that every emotion I feel is because I love you more than life itself❤️