It has taken me a while to come back here and be able to write about the one year anniversary of Noah passing away. I still can’t bring myself to say “he died.” Passing away sounds gentler in my mind, and anything to do with him needs to be gentle. I anticipated this day forContinue reading “12:34am”
Tag Archives: grief
Almost a year
As the 4th of October creeps closer and closer, I can’t seem to stop the tears or fend off the anxiety that creeps in at any given time. I try to keep myself busy, and I try not to think about it, but it sits in the forefront of my mind like a gigantic neonContinue reading “Almost a year”
The Countdown
17 days, 2hrs, 21 minutes. That is how long it is until the exact time that my boy passed away. Here I am thinking how gracefully we have made it through all the firsts, but this first is creating dread, and fear, and tears upon tears and anxiety that I just can’t seem to control.Continue reading “The Countdown”
Silent Tears
After a highly emotional day, that was fraught with tears, I climb into bed, kiss my Noah pendant and say goodnight to my boy. As I lay in the silence, I start to speak to Noah in my head, like I do every night, only this night, the tears start coming. My eyes are closedContinue reading “Silent Tears”
11 Months
A dear old friend of mine sent me the photo below, on the eve of Noah’s 11 month angelversary. He said it made him think of me. That touched me, to know he is thinking of me, as we haven’t seen each other for many years. At the time that I received the message, IContinue reading “11 Months”
Friendships
I remember when I was growing up on Chamberlain Drive, we had many neighborhood friends, and they were always more than ready to climb the tree by the big stump, play kick the can, ride bikes or just hang out. It is true that we would be outside until it got dark or your parentsContinue reading “Friendships”
What’s in your toolbox?
I remember so very clearly the day our son Matthew was born. It was a typical day, nothing out of the ordinary. I didn’t feel all that great, but I figured that was normal being 8 1/2 months pregnant. I thought it may be a good idea to take a bath, try to relax andContinue reading “What’s in your toolbox?”
Strong vs Strength
Over the past 10 months, I have heard: “you are so strong” or “how do you find the strength to carry on?” When I hear these sayings, I usually find myself thinking “I don’t feel strong, but I must be portraying that somehow,” or “some days, I don’t know where the strength comes from.” AlthoughContinue reading “Strong vs Strength”
To my son, Matthew
Where has the time gone? One minute you were a tiny newborn, and now here you are a young man, about to set out on an adventure that will shape your life. I knew from the second you were born, that you would be a strong, determined individual. The pregnancy was not an easy one,Continue reading “To my son, Matthew”
Angels Among Us
Those first days after Noah passed away are basically a blur. I believe your body just knows to keep on moving, but it doesn’t know where to move to. I recall spending hours on end just sitting in my living room, feeling so numb. Slowly the house started filling with family, and then the mediaContinue reading “Angels Among Us”
A Mom's Journey Through Grief and Life 