This past week has been hard. Medical tests, questions, more questions, doctor appointments, headache after headache, teeth clenching all the time, and tired. I point all these out because this is part of my grief. I just said to my mom today “I just want to feel normal. I don’t really know what that isContinue reading “Angel Moms Gone too Soon”
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Grief Is My “Frenemy”
grief [ɡrēf] NOUN : deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death. “She was overcome with grief” synonyms:sorrow · misery · sadness · anguish · pain · distress · agony · torment · affliction · suffering · heartache · heartbreak · broken-heartedness · heaviness of heart· woe · desolation · despondency · dejection · despair · angst · mortification · mourning · mournfulness · bereavement · lamentation · lament · remorse · regret · pining · blues · dolor · dole I thought it would be wise to look up the definition of the word “Grief” since it is my new found frenemy. Although I believed I knew the meaning, I was struck by the numberContinue reading “Grief Is My “Frenemy””
Thankful For My Son
This was our second Thanksgiving without Noah. I tried to be “normal.” I was so proud of myself that I could eat his favorite dessert and not break down. Trying to be my “old normal,” I have learned, is exhausting and not possible anymore. My normal has changed, and along with that, so have I.Continue reading “Thankful For My Son”
12:34am
It has taken me a while to come back here and be able to write about the one year anniversary of Noah passing away. I still can’t bring myself to say “he died.” Passing away sounds gentler in my mind, and anything to do with him needs to be gentle. I anticipated this day forContinue reading “12:34am”
Almost a year
As the 4th of October creeps closer and closer, I can’t seem to stop the tears or fend off the anxiety that creeps in at any given time. I try to keep myself busy, and I try not to think about it, but it sits in the forefront of my mind like a gigantic neonContinue reading “Almost a year”
The Countdown
17 days, 2hrs, 21 minutes. That is how long it is until the exact time that my boy passed away. Here I am thinking how gracefully we have made it through all the firsts, but this first is creating dread, and fear, and tears upon tears and anxiety that I just can’t seem to control.Continue reading “The Countdown”
Silent Tears
After a highly emotional day, that was fraught with tears, I climb into bed, kiss my Noah pendant and say goodnight to my boy. As I lay in the silence, I start to speak to Noah in my head, like I do every night, only this night, the tears start coming. My eyes are closedContinue reading “Silent Tears”
11 Months
A dear old friend of mine sent me the photo below, on the eve of Noah’s 11 month angelversary. He said it made him think of me. That touched me, to know he is thinking of me, as we haven’t seen each other for many years. At the time that I received the message, IContinue reading “11 Months”
Friendships
I remember when I was growing up on Chamberlain Drive, we had many neighborhood friends, and they were always more than ready to climb the tree by the big stump, play kick the can, ride bikes or just hang out. It is true that we would be outside until it got dark or your parentsContinue reading “Friendships”
What’s in your toolbox?
I remember so very clearly the day our son Matthew was born. It was a typical day, nothing out of the ordinary. I didn’t feel all that great, but I figured that was normal being 8 1/2 months pregnant. I thought it may be a good idea to take a bath, try to relax andContinue reading “What’s in your toolbox?”
A Mom's Journey Through Grief and Life 