Connections

So usually I don’t do the games and the sharing of games on Facebook, but just recently I did. I thought it would give people something different to do besides share conspiracies about Covid. This game was one of those math quizzes, that are done with pictures of different items and each item has a worth. If you answer the question correctly, then I send you a private message telling you that you got it right, and now you have to post it. What I didn’t think through was that many people would probably get it right, and I would be doing a lot of private messaging. Anyway, one of the people that responded to my post was truly one of my best friends in high school.

I checked her answer, and she was correct, so I had to private message her the instructions of what she was to do. Shortly after I sent it, I get a message back from her asking how my family is doing during this time. She then shares about having a teenage daughter and the trials and tribulations that go with that, and how it made her think of when she was that age. She ended it with “sending hugs (with the emoji.)

After reading her message, I started to cry. It took me back to those days. The days of being a teenager and how I could relate to what she was saying about her daughter, and herself at that age. When I was a teenager, everything mattered. Did I fit in, did people like me, was I too fat, would I have a boyfriend, did the “cool” kids accept me, and on and on. It seems so trivial now, but my gosh, back then, that was all that mattered. The answers to those questions would make you measure your self worth. I realize now that I spent a lot of time trying to fit in. I had this friend, and that was the one thing I was absolutely sure of.

Her home was my second home, and her parents welcomed me with open arms. We would get to go to her parents parties in the “dungeon” as it was called, and would spend hours in her room listening to Kenny Rogers and Lionel Richie. These were the times that I was my genuine self, and I was accepted. I didn’t need to impress or be someone that I wasn’t. These were the best times of my teenage years.

After reading her message, I just felt something inside of me that made me feel a need to thank her. Thank her for being a really great best friend at a time, looking back now, that I really needed one. My parents had split up and I was between homes, trying to figure out where home was. She was always kind and patient, and giving, and forgiving.

Now that I am older, and hopefully a bit wiser, I realize that the high school years were such a small part of my overall existence. I have never gone to any reunions since we graduated. I will admit that was because I felt anxious and nervous about seeing these people that I had felt I had to work hard at being accepted by in the first place. Stupid really, but real.

The one thing I think about now, in regards to people that I went to high school with, is that it is those people, the ones that I struggled to feel accepted by, that every once in a while reach out to me, and just check in on me. They send me little messages telling me that they are thinking about me. I don’t think any of them know just how much that touches my heart. I am sure every one of them has thought that they would hate to be in my shoes now, since Noah died, and I wouldn’t want any of them to be. I think his passing probably made people cherish what they have even more than they did before, because they know me, so it hits close to home. I am sure many of them hug their children more, and express their love for them even more, because he died.

My point is, that throughout life, we make connections with different people, at different stages of our lives. Some of those connections stand the test of time, some are brief, and some are longer. I believe that every person that comes into our lives has a purpose. Our job is to realize what the purpose is. I don’t see anyone that I went to high school with, and actually I hadn’t seen anyone until shortly after Noah died. I met up with an old high school friend for lunch. 39 years after we had graduated. It was a comforting visit, and I still felt connected.

It is important to value each connection that we make on our journey called life. I have had connections that were so very important to me at one time, just end. Those are painful because in life, just as in death, you sometimes need closure on those ones, and you may never get it. So your only option then, is to let it go and be grateful for the joy they brought you, and hopefully the other person remembers the same. Value the connections you have today. We are in such an unprecedented time, and we are learning the value of connection even more, because we are being made to disconnect from people in order for all to be safe. We have so many outlets available now to maintain the connections with those we value. Do everything you can to keep those connections alive, and know that one day you will get to physically connect again.

My friend replied to my reply, and she thanked me too for my friendship. She acknowledged the pain that I live with, and how she couldn’t imagine what she would do or where she would turn. I broke into tears. I immediately felt that childhood connection. She was validating all that I feel, and I truly needed that. Although I haven’t seen her in over 35 years, in that moment, I remembered my high school best friend so very clearly, as she was still the same person. The one that I connected with so long ago.

To my friend, I just want to say thank you for today, and for connecting with me. It was exactly what I needed. She sent me this at the end of our conversation. I cried. I cried because even after all these years, someone that I trusted with my being and confided in for years, sent me something that absolutely touched my heart. Thank you Cori.