A Different Type of Easter

This Easter, families will be celebrating the holiday in a way they never have before. Covid-19 has us all staying home, and having a meal with only those that we live with. It got me to thinking that people will probably really feel the void of not having their family and loved ones over to share a meal. The fortunate part of that, is that this too shall pass. One day, we will get back to a normal way of living, and really, it is just one holiday. You will be able to see them again and break bread like you have before. As you sit down tonight with your closest love ones, please think of those that now have an empty chair at their table. The way you feel today, is how they feel every holiday. Perhaps the pain is not as deep because you know that this won’t be forever, but for those people, it is.

As someone that has lost a loved one, this Easter is filled with a sadness that is two fold. I am always acutely aware that Noah is absent on holidays, but I am also really feeling the loss of feeding my family. Easter is the one holiday that I have my siblings and my parents come for dinner. I always look forward to it. I am kept busy throughout the day, prepping food, setting the table and tidying the house. It is a way to keep our family connected and to check up on everyone. I will truly miss it this year.

Even though we cannot all gather, I am grateful that Matthew is home with us. I will cook an Easter dinner for the three of us, with Noah on my mind. He loved to eat, and he really loved my cooking. I know that as I prepare the ham for tonight, I will have tears. Sounds crazy right? We don’t realize what connects us to loved one, quite often until they are gone. Ham has always been one of his most favorite foods from the time he was very small. His eyes would literally light up when he heard I was making a ham. Those that have shared a ham dinner with him will attest to the fact that he would fill his plate with ham, and a little bit of the side dishes, and when done, return for more! The boy had a hollow leg, I swear!

Another void that hits you during the holidays is when you are buying the treats. I have always been the one to do that in our family, and this year was no different, except I bought for two people instead of three. While on my anxiety filled shopping trip, I found myself standing in front of all the Easter goodies, frozen for a few minutes. In that time, it is like I have a film that runs through my brain of Easter’s past and I can see Noah’s face and hear his infectious laugh. It is so calming and beautiful, yet painful all at the same time. I look at each item and talk to myself. “Noah loved those” or “I remember when I bought him that.”

I am sure people are thinking that I should be past all of these “moments,” but they haven’t lost a child. That I am sure of. The holidays hit the hardest, perhaps because they hold so many memories. In a typical day you get snippets of memories brought on by a trigger, but during the holidays, you get a continuous stream of them. Holidays are the memory making times that we all, as families, create together. Year after year you gather with your loved ones and build on the last one. We create a photo album in our mind of times that we spend together. My photo album is now different.

This Easter will be one that families will not forget. Next year, when you are going through your photo album of memories, you will see that your gathering was missing people. Those that you cannot share a meal with this year, or give a hug to. Perhaps it will make people more cognizant of the importance and value of relationships. You are all getting a glimpse of what it feels like to not have someone that you love, with you this Easter. The beauty of that is that maybe, just maybe, it will make us all better people in our own lives and in our relationships with those we love. You may not be able to physically be with them, for now, but you can pick up a phone and call them or Facetime with them and let them know you miss them and love them. Soak up the beauty of their voice and the love in their words. We all have the gift of speech, which is a powerful tool and the most impactful one we have during this unprecedented time. Use it, and let your family know that you love them. Create memories in a different manner than we are use to, so you don’t have regrets. Life is short, so make the most of the time you are given, even if it is a “different” life right now.

Happy Easter Everyone