H.P.C.C.

As the director of the childcare centre that I work at, I have a steadfast rule: Don’t invite me to birthdays, weddings, baby showers, wedding showers or anything that is personal outside of our workplace. It may sound harsh, but I know for myself that I need this boundary to be the boss that I should be. I always say that policies are created because of something that makes them necessary. My “something” was my dearest friend Steph, who ultimately became Noah’s Godmother. I was her boss, and when we became close, lines could get blurry. (I thank her everyday in my heart for helping me to create this policy!)

From the day that I started working at my centre, this policy has been in place, and it has been good for me, until pretty much all of 2018. Noah passed in October, and my staff dealt with a very traumatic event in November. We also had staff dealing with illnesses in their families, and losses of loved ones. It truly was the ultimate year from hell.

I was chatting with one of my staff the other day, who has been struggling around the anniversary of the traumatic event of November 2018. We shared how we didn’t know what to expect on the one year anniversaries and how we thought we had prepared ourselves for them. Well, were we ever wrong. Neither of us expected to grieve even deeper than we did on those horrible days, nor did we expect it to take us back there, but it did. The connection that we share because of these events have definitely blurred the lines for all of us. Most days, I feel more like an equal than a boss, and I am okay with that.

There are certain qualities I look for when hiring staff to work with the children. Are they compassionate, caring, energetic, fun, hard working team players? Every one of my staff have these qualities and they give 110% every day. The interesting component to this is that they also have these qualities towards each other. 2018 really brought this to the forefront. There isn’t a “work” atmosphere amongst my staff, but rather a “family” atmosphere.

We have a saying in our centre, “we will make it work.” Someone has an appointment come up, we will make it work. A staff has a sick child at home, we will make it work. You want to go watch your child’s Christmas concert, we will make it work. Your dog has to go to the vet, we will make it work. You have family in town that you really want to spend a day with, we will make it work. You need a day for you, we will make it work. It doesn’t matter what it is, we will make it work. We do just as family would do. No one ever says “well that doesn’t work for me” because the relationships my staff have with each other is like no other. They are so aware of each other’s emotional state and will offer a hug, or just say “I am here if you need anything.” It is quite extraordinary considering the amount of grief and trauma our team has endured.

I really believe that traumatic events make you re-evaluate your life, and how you live it. Within the conversation around the anniversaries of our events, we discussed how grief has changed us. Yes, it can bring days when you don’t care one iota about anything, and you would rather stay in bed and not see a soul. But, it also brings such an acute awareness of others around you. Losing Noah completely removed the “boss” layer at work for me. I became vulnerable and had to ask for help and support. I still do to this day. My co-worker has learned that she too can’t always be the strong one (although it has taken her longer than me…..) We have both done a lot of soul searching this past year. As women, we both really struggle with the idea that we must be strong, because we feel we have to be the one to keep everything together for everyone, especially our children. But it is important for our children to see that we are human. We hurt and can be vulnerable, and need help. Our children learn from watching us, so if we try to hide it all the time, they will expect that they are to act the same, or expect the same from their future partners. We are doing them a disservice if we aren’t being true to ourselves.

As my 20 year anniversary approaches, and I reflect back on my time at my job, I am thankful and grateful for the people I get to have beside me every day. Beautiful humans who make our environment one that is full of love, compassion, kindness, laughter and friendship. To each of you, I want you to know that you have made this past year bearable for me, just by being there and saying those 5 little words……………we will make it work. Each and every one of you will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you for being there for me at my lowest of lows. I couldn’t have made it to 20 without you.