To my son, Matthew

Where has the time gone? One minute you were a tiny newborn, and now here you are a young man, about to set out on an adventure that will shape your life.

I knew from the second you were born, that you would be a strong, determined individual. The pregnancy was not an easy one, but it was worth every appointment, every consultation, every ultrasound. The pregnancy was also one of the first lessons in life that made your dad and I realize that we could come together, share our thoughts and opinions, and come out united. You see, the doctor’s thought that you may have Downs Syndrome. We quickly realized that this was not a conversation a young couple would consider having before they started a family, but now here we were. We both knew that no matter what, we were having you because we already loved you, and would continue to love you. I remember thinking that regardless of whether you had Downs or not, you were going to be the luckiest brother around, because you would have Noah by your side as your big brother, your protector. He didn’t disappoint.

Noah was just shy of three and a half years old when he became a big brother to you. Oh how he loved you! He immediately took to the role and made sure you knew how much he loved you. He was always kissing you on the forehead. Even as a young boy, he cared deeply and loved fiercely and he knew his job was to watch over you. He was so very proud to have you as a brother. The bond was immediate………..Brothers First.

There was never a time in your lives together, that you weren’t close. Even with the age difference, you were still each other’s best friend. As you got older and started to participate in sports, Noah was your number one cheerleader. Any sport you tried, you excelled in. One would think there would be some form of rivalry or jealousy, but there truly wasn’t. All he ever wanted for you was for you to do your best and be successful. He would let people know how talented you were, or if you won an award, or if you were selected for something special. Noah was so very, very proud of you and your accomplishments. He could have chosen to just not be a part of it, to not attend your games, to not be there for you, but he didn’t. He was honoring you and celebrating you every step of the way. There was never jealousy from him towards you, only pride and so much love.

When Noah passed away, my heart was broken, not just for us as a family, but especially for you. That day, you lost not only a brother, but your best friend. The one “solid” you knew you had in your corner for life. I was worried it may change you. I wondered if you would turn bitter and angry, but you didn’t. Instead, you made a conscious choice to honor Noah in everything you do. I know you often ask yourself “what would Noah do?” or “what advice would Noah give me?” and you get the answers you are looking for. I know this, because I have watched you over the past 10 months, and I see you being the person he would expect you to be. He knows that you are continuing to love him every day.

Now here we are, getting ready for you to venture off to college, away from home. I am truly excited for you, to see what this adventure in your life brings. The idea that you get to play two sports that you love, hockey and baseball, and start on your educational journey is amazing! I know that you will excel in all aspects because you expect nothing less of yourself. You have taken on challenges before, and I have seen you work hard to conquer them. You are a strong, confident, compassionate, kind and loving young man and you have your destiny in your own hands now.

Letting go of you, and watching you spread your wings, is probably one of the toughest things as your mom, that I will ever have to do. All I can hope for is that your dad and I did a good enough job raising you and preparing you for this next chapter in your life. We are so very proud of you and of the amazing young man you have grown up to be. We will be there in spirit, cheering you on at every game, and so will Noah. He wouldn’t miss them for the world. Enjoy the journey, my boy.

Love Mom. xoxo