Marriage

I remember the day I met him.  I was finally comfortable being on my own, and then BAM!  There he was, this handsome guy with a mullet.  We have been together basically since the day we met.  Something clicked, something felt right.  In just over a year of meeting, we were pregnant and married.

A family was something we both wanted, and we loved being parents.  As a new mom, I was hopeful that my Early Childhood background would help me along the way.  I think it did, I hope it did.  We dove in with both feet and welcomed Noah into our world, November 16, 1995. 

They say a parent’s love for a child is different from any other.  No truer words.  I clearly remember the first day I felt him move, it was July 6^th, 1995.  I fell in love with him then and knew I would do anything for that little being.  The day he was born, I fell in love with him even more.  I remember my heart aching.  Aching from the amount of love I had in there for my boy.  Now I love my husband, but this truly was different.  I wasn’t prepared for that, not at all, but I loved the feeling.

This little man was my world.  I loved everything about being a mom.  I had to sleep in the living room for the first 5 months of his life because he nursed every 2 hours around the clock.  Sleep deprivation was not my friend, but I was a mom now and this little boy was counting on me.   He was my priority.

You see, Noah taught me so much.  I went through all the parenting “firsts” with him.  I didn’t know the first thing about being a parent, yet each time he met a milestone, I met it with him and celebrated him.  From a young age, Noah was the exact same little person as he was as an adult.  He was so loving, kind, patient, funny.  I remember when Greg Moore passed away.  We were going to go down to the makeshift memorial that had been set up in Maple Ridge.  Before we left, Noah went upstairs to his playroom to grab something.  He came back down and handed his dad a race car.  My husband asked him what that was for and Noah’s reply was “so he has something to play with in Heaven.”  So kind and gentle.

Fast forward to 2018.  He is now an adult, but in my heart still my baby boy.  During those years of raising children, your marriage is supposed to come first.  I can honestly say that ours didn’t.  That doesn’t mean that we ever stopped loving each other, but in our hearts, we knew that this was our job.  We wanted to be good, well not good, but great at it and so we did work very hard at being the best parents we could be, and we succeeded.  We raised boys that are the whole package, so to speak.  They are genuine, gentle, kind, compassionate, loving, funny, giving and forgiving.  I had no concerns that they wouldn’t be great spouses or parents.  Our job was done successfully.

However, now we need to get to know each other again as partners.  We have been through many trials and tribulations together, so the core of who my husband is was very clear to me.  He is a proud man who wants to take care of his family and be a great husband.  Never in our 25 years together has he judged me or criticized me or spoken harshly to me.  In a nutshell, he loves me for who I am, and I know that I have been lucky.

So, why all the backfill of our marriage and family life?  Well, our family was fractured by the death of Noah.  I say fractured instead of shattered because a fracture can heal, but something shattered really can’t be put back together.  In those first of darkest days, neither of us pulled away from each other.  Just like other times throughout our life, we stood strong together and held each other up.  He was so selfless and was so concerned about me and was always checking in to make sure I was okay.

It is said that a death of a child can break a marriage apart.  I absolutely believe that is true and I can also clearly understand the “how” and “why.”  Noah’s death has brought us closer than ever.  We cry openly, we talk, we share, we laugh, and we still check in on each other.  We spend most of our down time together and there is comfort that comes from that.  You see, I am spending time with someone that I love, and someone who “gets it.”  He has all the same feelings and questions as I do.  It is such a safe feeling to be spending time with a reflection of yourself.  I think we are kinder, gentler and more compassionate towards each other now than we were before when our focus was shifted.

I believe that what we share now is a deeper love than either of us probably thought about.  We all go through our lives telling people that we love them, and we are genuine when we do that.  However, the love I feel for my husband now is different than before.  It is deep, and it is comfortable.  I think we share the kind of love that many people hope for in their lives.  I am forever grateful to my husband for being the man he is.  He is the exact man that Noah was growing up to be.