4 Months Later

Today is a bittersweet day. On the one hand, it is my brother Rick’s birthday, whom I love so very much. On the other hand, it is 4 months today since our boy passed away and left me with a broken heart.
February 4th this year will be about both of you for me. I remember you saying that when you would come to my house, the love you received from my kids would “fill you up.” You could arrive feeling empty some days, but leave full, full of love to carry you through. Noah loved you so much and just wanted you to have Peace in your life and feel “full” all the time. My wish for you is the same. 
On the day we said good-bye to Noah, I saw the pain that his leaving us brought you, and so many others as well. You spoke so beautifully about him, and for that I love you even more. I truly hope that this next chapter in your life brings you whatever it is you need to “fill you up” and keep you “full” every single day❤️ Happy Birthday Rick. xoxo
As I sit here in the quiet, I feel tears burning my eyes and I have to just let them flow. I have cried so many tears over the past 4 months, more than I have probably cried in my lifetime. There is no way to make sense of losing your child. You look around you and see people’s lives carrying on, and it probably looks like we are doing the same, however the difference is that our “carrying on” is so physically exhausting. I am sure the weight that is exhausting us is the undying love for Noah that we use to be able to share with him everyday. I will continue to carry that until the day that I can be with him and shower him with it.
I miss you terribly my boy, and I love you to the moon and back❤️💔❤️